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15 May

Creating gender harmony through better Communication and respect to gender disparities

Published by erna_surjadi

Today I was invited to attend the Jakarta book fairs; and discussed a new book written by an ex woman minister.
The book is her own biography, on special moment when she knew the husband was in critical health condition due to leukemia but she had tight schedule and heavy duty as minister. The title is talked about the disease that brought love.
Her husband was sick from October 2008 and sadly died on March 2009

She had only couple months to realize that her beloved husband would go forever leaving her alone after 36 years of marriage.
However, during the past few months of the husband life; she found a new love - a more understanding from the sick husband with her who was having dillemma between 'no choice of getting away' from tight duty as minister and the feeling to stay around the husband.
She admitted that the feeling of love is even better than before and it is long lasting up to now after the husband gone.
I found that is a very touching story from a strong career woman with lots of gender problems and learning inside. I believe many career women have similar story though she must get it worse as wife, mother and the minister; compared to other lower positions.

Double burden is most always born for career women due to stereotypes; only smart strategy may save them from the problems. It is noted even if the wife solved the problems, the husband may not accept the condition peacefully; due to he thought women is supposed to be surrounding the family only; the children must be taken care by the mother only and so on..
Dual income family is still a challenge for some men. A better communication is needed among spouses.

I asked for her confirmation - the love born later; is it due to a value of communication, though not in oral, maybe through body language and smile only. She said yes, that is true.
The understanding of the husband that her wife could not answer 'no' to the instruction from the President; has made the wife stronger and the love link is sparkling between them. She still cried sometime; but the husband love stays forever.

So, communication is very important to support gender harmony. No matter the condition of other party, the communication may build the bridge between two spouses that may save the long fighting but stronger bonding born instead.
My latest research 2008 found that high communication may reduce the domestic violence although patriarchy culture is being implemented.

I imagine if more men and women understand about gender communication - then more families live in peace and get advantages; a gender empowerment is needed indeed.
The communication is created through many ways - imagine the sign language..; smile, eye contact, soft voices, letter, SMS, calls etc. I had experiences it is so tough to make men understand if using direct language. However if we used third party story and asked his opinion, then the communication is smoother and end up in peace.

This is become a concern mostly to all career women; showing strength and power in front of husband; is not a good idea. Gender communication based on gender disparities is important for a family harmony.
As women/men, we may understand women are different than men - there are gender disparities. However, synergy may come if we know how to utilize any positive factor and become good supporter to each other.

A gender harmony seems easily accepted by men compared to gender equality. Many times they thought it is a show of force to have equal money, equal power and even equal husbands (more than 1).
A gender equality is actually not being addressed to equation - that maybe not balance nor even equal. Because the measurement of gender equality is equal access, opportunity, benefit and control.

I gave examples to several men: imagine you are bathing - head and all parts of the body have enough water and soap; this is equity a fairness situation; when all body have opportunity and access to be cleaned - this is equality. In some cases they don't; for instance: bathing with your cloths on.
However, we know we pay attention mostly to head/face compared to leg and arm. Women put make up, so are men; recently we heard about pedicure and manicure though. Men as head of family is natural; however recently there are many female households. We have to made adaptation and adjustment along with the environment...

Gender harmony, like an orchestra, there are big and small equipment; the most important is the sound of the music!
My husband said tonight - if all men and women understand the meaning of gender harmony; they don't have to wait 30 years to get the new love...

Men and women are partners - it is good if no gap around; men and women are supposed to be together in advancement.
In fact, in the world many women are left behind men, living under the shadow of men, especially rural areas.
They forget that a sick woman, low education may bring family into sickness, malnutrition and even more family problems!

That's why women's empowerment is family advancement towards future investment!
Let's tell this to all people to create the gender harmony in family, society, nation and the world!


Taken from PulseWire by Erna Surjadi | October 9, 2010 at 11:22 AM :


Gender Harmony

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